Why This Book?

I picked this book up looking for insight into relationship dynamics—and I ended up underlining half of it. Terrence Real doesn’t just offer techniques; he reframes the entire way we think about conflict, intimacy, and healing. If you’ve ever felt like relationships are harder than they should be, Us will meet you where you are.

Who It’s For

This book is especially meaningful for:

• Anyone struggling in their intimate relationships (past or present)
• People raised in high-conflict or emotionally unavailable environments
• Those who want to love more honestly and courageously—but aren’t sure how

You don’t have to be in a relationship to benefit. This is a book about relating—to ourselves, others, and the world.

Big Takeaways

• We are wired to be relational—but often taught to be individualistic. This mismatch causes unnecessary suffering.
• Adaptive child vs. wise adult: Real’s model for understanding our reactive selves vs. our grounded selves is powerful and practical.
• Loving well is a skill, not just a feeling. And that skill can be learned.

Favorite Quote

“The shift from 'you and me' to 'us' is the shift from trauma to healing, from protection to connection.”

It’s one of those lines that continues to echo long after you’ve put the book down.

How It Can Help

Real blends clinical wisdom with deep compassion. You’ll find tools for de-escalating conflict, reclaiming emotional balance, and showing up in relationships with more truth and tenderness. The reflections and real-life case stories help make the concepts stick.

A Note Before You Read

This book explores emotional wounds, attachment ruptures, and relational dynamics that may mirror your own lived experiences. Some stories or concepts may surface grief, anger, or longing—especially around family systems, childhood roles, or intimate partnerships. If anything feels too close, it’s okay to pause. Come back when you’re ready.

Where to Buy

Link to Amazon

About the Author

Terrence Real is a renowned psychotherapist, speaker, and best-selling author known for his pioneering work in men’s mental health, relationships, and relational trauma. With over 30 years of clinical experience, he is the founder of the Relational Life Institute, which offers therapy, training, and workshops for individuals, couples, and professionals. His most recent book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, explores how disconnection and individualism harm our relationships—and how shifting to a relational mindset can foster deeper connection and healing. Terrence Real’s approach combines psychological insight with practical tools, and he is widely regarded for his work in challenging toxic masculinity and promoting emotional literacy, particularly among men.